Unity

Unity is essential to a happy marriage. However, “becoming one” can be difficult. A part of that difficulty comes from the uncertainty of what exactly it means. It doesn’t mean that either partner completely submits their needs, opinions, and emotions to their spouse. It doesn’t mean sacrificing all of your power or identity. That’s a toxic relationship. It’s not an equal partnership.

If that’s what unity isn’t, then we need to understand what it is. Unity comes from oneness in purpose. A couple should have a plan for their future and work together to achieve it. Unity comes from absolute trust in your partner. Each partner needs to know that the other one has their back. Unity comes from prioritizing your partner’s needs without sacrificing your own. There is always a need for clear communication and compromise.

The first step to achieving this is intention and commitment. You need to continually choose to strive for unity. When there are disagreements, don’t try to convince your spouse that you’re right. Focus on listening and understanding. Share your views and thoughts. As you continue to share and listen, you’ll be able to find the best way to move forward. When planning the future, don’t focus on trying to get your spouse to agree to your plan. Try to recognize the best path forward for your family as a whole. Remember that your family isn’t just a group of individuals. You are a family system where each individual affects the dynamics of the group in different ways. Trying to plan for what is best for a single individual could lead to a plan that is a terrible choice for your family system.

My husband and I have been discussing future plans since before we were married. We know that our goals are to be financially stable enough to care for about 3 children. All of our other decisions have to be made with that plan in mind. This means that I have had to be willing to sacrifice living in my preferred location. With the way things are right now, my husband may have to sacrifice his dream job. However, we are both willing to give those things up because we know that it’s for the greater good of our family, even if it’s not for the greatest good of the individual.